No Regrets
by faynyx
Summary: heading into the Omega 4 relay shepard says her goodbyes to an old love and embraces a new one. Femshep/kaidan/thane  Picture by morie91 from DeviantArt


My thoughts were a jumble, we were heading toward the omega 4 relay and time was running short. We all knew that this was a possible suicide mission so everyone had gone their separate ways to say there possible final goodbyes to family and friends through holo messages.

I was alone in my quarters; I had asked EDI to keep everyone out. The message I was about to record was going to be one of the hardest things in my life. Clearing my throat, I hit record and looked into the lens of the video recorder.

"Kaiden…" my voice was soft saying his name sent butterflies through my stomach, "We haven't spoken since Horizon and I've been meaning to reply to your letter." Pause. "No that's a lie and I have always tried not to lie to you. I wasn't going to reply to your letter, truth is my heart broke that day. And I thought it was better that I just stayed out of your life so you could move on like you had been trying to." I stopped a moment staring off into space collecting my thoughts.

"When I woke up you were the first thing I thought of and from that moment on I tried to find you. Then I found out two years had passed and in that time, everyone thought I was dead including you. So afterwards I thought even if I did find you, you had already mourned me what would I be doing to you if I walked back into your life. It would have been selfish for me to find you so I let it go. At least as far as everyone else was concerned but in my heart I held on to the hope I would see you again and I did." I smiled sadly thinking of Horizon.

"Seeing you alive and well on Horizon even after what the collectors had done was one of the best moments in my life. There you were looking almost exactly like you did the last time I saw you, it's one of the most bittersweet moments in my life," I broke off looking away from the camera my mouth quivering I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I wanted you to hold me like you did before, to treat me like you did when we were alone. But you didn't, you confronted me about…well you know." I broke off again changing the subject.

"I've had to catch up on a lot these last few months and even though I'm working with Cerberus I'm still doing things _**my**_ way. We are heading out on a dangerous mission much like Ilos I don't know if we'll make it back. War is coming and I do not know if I am going to be there to help stop the Reapers. So I need you to do something for me," A lone tear slid down my cheek. "Keep fighting, don't give up and live…please…for me."

"Commander," Joker's voice broke through and I turned away from the camera putting my hand over the microphone, "we are … the ome… 4 …lay ETA … minutes."

"Thank you joker," I dismissed him turning back to the camera. Trying to force a smile, "that's my cue to put on my brave face." I took a deep breath a let out a sigh. Tears brimmed over my lashes and I didn't stop them from falling, "Kaiden, you are one of the few things that made my life special. With you for a few moments, I touched heaven. I want you to know I do not regret any of our time together, the only thing I regret is never telling you how much I loved you."

"Goodbye Kaiden, Shepard out."

I turned the camera off and sent the message with a time delay Kaiden would receive it long after we had already passed through the Relay so even if he had heard what Joker had said there would not be a thing he could do about it. I could go to my death with a clear conscious. I sat there staring at the screen for a long while until my cabins door opened and Thane entered startling me from my thoughts.

"Thane," I whispered surprised by his presence.

"Siha, I…" he paused stopping in front of me."I have known I will die for many years. I've tried to leave the galaxy better than I found it." He paced the room anxiously trying to get the words out his back turned away from me as he worked out the words. "You've helped me achieve more than I thought possible. We've righted many wrongs…I've spoke to my son." He turned sharply facing me once more. "I should be at peace on the eve of battle."

I stood reaching out for him, "Thane please stop don't give me a speech."

He looked at the ground, "I'm ashamed Siha."

"Thane," I murmured reaching to caress his cheek. It rested for just a second and he was pushing my hand way and turning his back to me. He paced in front of my table anger emanating from his usual calm form. A single tear slipped down his face and he slammed his fist into the table's surface.

"I've worked so hard. Meditated and prayed and done good deeds. Atoned for the evils I've done. Prepared. I consider my body's death and a chill settles in my gut. I am afraid and it shames me."

His voice, it sounds so broken, and all I want to do is offer comfort to someone I care so deeply about. I cross behind him taking his fist into my hand. Turning him around to face me, "I am afraid too, but the time for any regrets is past now and I won't go on pretending that you don't mean anything to me. Stay with me tonight, be alive with me."

"Siha," he murmured taking my face in his hand his lips descending upon mine.


End file.
